Traveling While Old

Traveling some months ago in a southern city I was sucker-punched in my left ear by an apparently disturbed younger man passing by in the opposite direction. (They are all younger now, it seems.) Though momentarily stunned by the blow, I sustained little pain and no serious damage, and by the time I turned to confront my assailant, he had moved on at some distance, verbalizing and gesticulating, though in truth I retain few details. My dear KSylvie, however, whose sense of righteousness and justice far exceeds my own, took off in vocal pursuit, which, in a state where firearm ownership is sort of a thing, I thought not the wisest course. And my dear tends toward the petite such that a physical confrontation with someone not likely to respect gender conventions as well might result in more than one boxed ear. So we settled on at least reporting to the cops, a number of whom happened to be in the vicinity.

Just like on Law and Order—and nowhere else in real life—they tracked down the perp after an hour or so, and I was invited to press charges because, as an old man (I’m sure being white didn’t hurt), I was in a sort of privileged victim status. The other folks who had experienced assault at his hands that afternoon, including someone whose hearing aid was damaged, were younger apparently, and assault against them fell only into the misdemeanor category, punishable by a citation. Punching an old fart in the ear, however, qualifies as a third-degree felony. Don’t fuck with the jerontion. To get that young sucker puncher off the street, I said okay.

So he’s been off the street in jail for a couple of months now and set to go on trial for up to two years, when the D.A.’s victim support office called today to update me on the case, including alternative options, like a Pre-Trial Diversion program. Which, of course, I’m cool with. Old and wise and not vindictive, I appreciate that the criminal justice system takes age into consideration in these matters, but really, I ain’t no candy ass.

 And you cross my spouse at your own peril.