Tuesday, April 7, 2026

“an old man is but a shadow wandering in the light of the day”

When asked how I occupy my time, I often respond “by doing as little as possible.” Which is not entirely true. Reading is doing. Writing, too . . . just doesn’t much look like it. But when you think about it, occupying time, doesn’t seem to call for overtly heroic activity: presence and a minimal consciousness should suffice; and reading and writing actually require much more than a minimum of consciousness.

 
Among the many pleasantries of my February visit to Arizona was a reintroduction to Chateaubriand’s Memoirs From Beyond The Grave, from which the title of this post is filched, itself a quote from Aeschylus. My brother Neil and a friend of his are a kind of two-person book club, and three volumes (of four) of François-René Chateaubriand’s memoirs lay on his kitchen table, next up, apparently, for clubbing. Having already read the first, I picked up the second and refreshed my interest. There is something about multi-volume French œuvres—Proust, Montaigne, Chateaubriand—which I find addictive. Though I do not speak or read French, somehow the music of its voicing comes through in translation, something of its communication of attitude and nuance. Or if it doesn’t, or can’t, I find the attempted translation of it, in all its failure, somewhat spell-binding. Thus, I began volume II in Tempe, returned home and ordered it from Powell’s, and reread volume I while I awaited its arrival. Volume II came last week.

So, I’ve been reading. And underlining. I underline. In pencil. With a straight-edged bookmark. Grad school habit. Seneca, whom I refinished a couple of weeks ago, did not approve of such a practice. Considered it childish, and even “disgraceful for an old man or one in sight of old age to be wise by book.” I should be producing bon mots, he asserted, not remembering them. Sigh. But my memory has never been all that great, and whatever wisdom I do claim, I don’t claim in bon mots. A lower echelon thinker, I am not averse to sharing others’ wisdom, curating my reading, as it were, in my own humble way. What follows are Chateaubriand’s Tweets from Beyond the Grave, 1768-1800, vol. I.

In those days, old age was a dignity; today it is a burden.

Dogs, like men, are punished for their loyalty.

True happiness is cheap; if costly, it is not the real thing at all.

Our vanity sets too much importance on the role that we play in the world.

If happiness ever took me in its arms, I would suffocate. 

Children are brothers of one great family and lose their common features only when they lose their innocence.

Our childhood leaves something of itself in the places it has embellished, as a flower lends its fragrance to the objects it has touched.

He who could have killed my so-called talent, without robbing me of my mind, would have been my truest friend.

I have in me a deep inability to obey.

A few brief years from eternity’s hands will do justice to all this noise with endless silence.

There is nothing more for me to learn.

Oh Goddess, still friendly to my sadness, pour your cold quietude into my heart.

For I was suffering, and suffering is prayer.

I shall never succeed in this world precisely because I am lacking in one passion, ambition, and one vice, hypocrisy.

Man has not one and the same life; he has several lives laid end to end, and that is the cause of his misery.

Another man has appeared in me, a political man: I do not much care for him.

In the end it matters little what part we have played in life.

I am not aware of any kind of fame in history that would tempt me.

How am I to understand my brother’s ambitions, when all I wanted was to live forgotten?

Death laughs at those who summon it and confuse it with nothingness.

My companions were the dead, a few birds, and the setting sun.

I have never cheered for speeches or bullets.

In these great social transformations, individual resistance, however honorable for those who resist, is powerless against the facts.

The barbarians of old were enormous children of nature; the new ones are monstrous abortions of nature depraved.

Heaven, to punish us for talents employed, makes us repent of our success.

Moments of crisis redouble the life of man.

Come back, you lovely days of indigence and solitude!

It was a slave who welcomed me to the land of liberty.

There is virtue in the gaze of a great man.

This reminds me to take advantage of being alive.

Not all souls have an equal aptitude for happiness, just as not all lands bear an equal harvest.

I would tire of glory and genius, work and leisure, prosperity and misfortune alike.

As it almost always is in politics, the result was contrary to the predictions.

It seems no one learns how to die by killing others.

Catastrophe comes and everyone takes shelter, abandoning me to grapple with the misfortune I alone had foreseen.

Not even the most extraordinary fame is safe from the most ordinary destiny.

How many men walk down a staircase never to walk up again?

Women have a heavenly instinct to help the unfortunate.

Sufferings are no less vain than joys.

Bacon, Newton, and Milton are as deeply buried and as fully passed as the most obscure of their contemporaries.

Cicero was right to recommend the camaraderie of letters as a balm for the sorrows of this life.

Something melancholy enters into relationships not formed until the middle of our lives.

Will my ideas, my feelings, my very style not seem boring and old-fashioned to a sneering posterity?

As I believe in nothing, outside of religion, I am leery of everything.

As I am fond of the color blue, I was quite charmed.

Some were young and some were old: there is no legal age for misfortune.

Almost everyone I mention in these Memoirs has vanished; it is a Registry of Deaths.

Subtract my writings from my century, and would there have been any difference in the events or the spirit of the century.

Style, and there are a thousand kinds, is not to be learned; it is a gift from heaven; it is talent itself.

No one, in a living literature, can be a competent judge except of works written in his own language.

Style is not, like thought, cosmopolitan: it has a native soil, sky, and sun of its own.

The pleasures of youth reproduced by memory are like ruins seen by torchlight.

Having arrived at the close of my first career, the career of a writer is opening before me.

 Photo credit: zkd

Wednesday, March 11, 2026

One of the fullest satisfactions of old age is that your children can have become, in spite of you and almost imperceptibly, your peers. Fully grown, easily your equal with regard to most of the nuances of maturity and experience, and your superior on any number of subjects, not least technology, they populate your circle with a sensibility different from your own, and at the same time, trust-worthily. Furthermore, they have become among your longest and most intimate friends—if you’re lucky—which I am. They can even be traveled with.

Visiting family in Tempe, Arizona last month, my daughter and I ran across some images of old men in the Phoenix Art Museum and the ASU Ceramics Research Center and Archives. Nudes, naked old men. Unlike paintings from the Old Masters, Eric Fischl, an old but contemporary master, exhibited some rather unflattering depictions that raised the perennial question: Are Truth and Beauty equivalents? (I say “No,” but hear Keats out.) 

“In Tempe or the dales of Arcady?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When old age shall this generation waste,

                Thou [the urn, remember] shalt remain, in midst of other woe

Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,

         "Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all

                Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."

In Tempe, AZ, here is a half-naked Fischl, Study for Portrait of the Artist as an Old Man. Now, my daughter can credit the  subject matter of “old dudes” as “totally fine,” the poses “interesting,” and “the painting style engaging.” Fair enough, but not Beautiful, not even merely beautiful. An interesting palette, perhaps, and brushwork, but images of naked old men, honest images, are not beautiful. Which is not to say that there is not some truth, even much truth—along with humor and irreverence and, alas, pathos. But the aged bodies of undraped old men are not beautiful and cannot, I fear, be made so. No kouros, here, no Doryphorous, no charioteer, no Dying Gaul.

An old face, on the other hand, can be supremely, sublimely beautiful: i.e. the portrait busts of ancestral Romans. The beauty of dignitas and mortality. Old men, keep your pants and shirts on, buttoned! 

Friday, January 23, 2026

78 Whistles

There are downtimes in the resistance, at least for retired amateurs like myself. One can tolerate only so much virtue in a day, even virtue in defiance of the non-stop malevolence effluent out of Washington, D.C. these months now. As if the virtue itself were tainted, ever so slightly, by the malignancy that spawned it. Non-violence provoked by violence, alas, seems to carry a seed of violence within it, which can be checked behaviorally, but not imaginatively. (How many government officials have I terminated in my daydreams? With extreme prejudice.)

Last week’s downtime, though, produced this poem, in praise of de-escalation. Violence free. 

78 Whistles

A Gordian knot of whistle cords lies

on the table before the old man, the

nickel-plated whistles nesting therein.

He pulls on one whistle, the knot tightens.

He pulls on a cord end, the knot tightens.

“What the . . . How the fuck? . . Who the fuck?” he thinks.

It is what cord does if left to itself.

A retired Ph.D., he’ll figure it out.

It just takes time. Patience. To untangle.

In time, seventy-eight whistles are free.

 

Winter is here. The ICEmen cometh

in brown shirts—faceless, bulky, and armed.

They prowl the streets for our brown neighbors

in SUVs with out-of-state plates.

Pepper-spray ever at the ready.

Tear-gas, side-arms, and assault-rifles

                              vs.

 Whistles, cell-phones, yellow vests—us.

 With losses, yes, yet we hold our own.

Sunday, January 11, 2026

68th Winter

 

The Furor’s brown shirts have descended in force upon our city. Last week an ICE trooper killed one of our citizens in a neighborhood not far away. Shot her in the face, point blank. I attended her vigil/protest. The administration’s Big Lies to follow.

While we are not Nazi Germany yet, the government’s aspirations seem to be clearly in that direction and credibly well on the way. For someone who has known sixty-seven years of relative freedom—i.e. white, male, middle-class freedom—I find the change to dangerously not-so-free and the new demands of civic resistance considerable. Even the relatively simple protest marches and the ICE watches require dressing for the frigid weather now and the treacherously icy footing. Much more to learn and do. It would appear to be a long haul in a dark winter.

Old and retired, I have the time, and if less energy than I once had, I’ve read my history and retain much memory. And if we aged late-Boomers needed a sense of purpose—I didn’t, but you know, shit happens and it’s sometimes big—the GOP’s embrace of fascism, racism, and Christian nationalism makes for a wide field of opportunity to discover it: that is, opposing, well, EVIL.

So, they say, freedom isn’t free. No, it isn’t. It requires time, energy, treasure, and, apparently, the blood of young moms trying to get out of the way.

Friday, November 14, 2025

67

“67” is a meme apparently, a digital fart of no fixed meaning, a trendy bit of forgettable social media nonsense awash in the general nonsense of social media. It is also, as of today, my age for the next year. One of those ages of no particular promise, not a 0-birthday, or a 5-birthday—decadal or semi-decadal—not a schnappszahl (divisible by 11), and not one of those more broadly culturally recognized birthdays, threshold birthdays: Sweet 16, 18, 21, 30, 50, 65, 70, 100. My second Henry—Adams—tallied his birthdays with some attention. “At sixty-seven,” he observed, “one knows one’s nervous system at least.” Perhaps not completely. We should always be a little open to surprise, I think, but I probably knew my nervous system much earlier, starting at 13. We’ll have to see if my 67 has any numerological significance to speak of.

Tuesday, November 4, 2025

Seven Old Men In Prague

Whenever we travel, as retirees are wont to do, we’ll often include a museum or two on the itinerary, an art museum. I find a visitation to past imagery of our civilization instructive on many levels, with particular attention paid to the depiction of old men, like myself. At the Sternberg Palace gallery in Prague, I happened upon these aged gents. 

                    Johan Michael Rottmayr, 1692

Seneca, at 68, is having his veins cut on order of the Emperor Nero for alleged participation in a conspiracy to assassinate him, Seneca’s former student and imperial advisee. While premature to consider seriously as a form of self-administered euthanasia, bleeding out represents an exit strategy of some appeal to me in certain dire circumstances—inoperable, painful cancers; dementia; boredom and disgust with this world—though Seneca’s execution required poison and a warm bath as well. I’ve given blood enough to know that my flow rate would probably do the trick.

   

St. Jerome is not looking long for this world as he handles a crucifix and a skull. (Both Jerome and the skull have my hairline.) He is thought to have lived into his mid- to late 70s and looks it, or worse here. 

Jusepe de Ribera, 1646

 

 

 

 

Actually, he appears more than once in the Sternberg, with the Ribera capturing “all the details of the old man’s body.” Some of which, I recognize all too well.

Giovanni Battista Tiepolo, ca.1755
 

 

 

On a lighter note we have Tiepolo’s “luminous” Bust of an Old Man. 

“Tiepolo’s character heads of old men—often depicted with Oriental stylisation—were originally created as study materials but soon became so popular with collectors that the painter even bought them back to meet demand.” Imagine that. A world in which bald and bearded old goats in exotic headwear were a thing.


 

Jan Miensze Molenaer, mid-1600s

 

Or there’s the tippling peasant senior modeling and encouraging all sorts of questionable behaviors in the dark of a bar. Under the title of an old Dutch proverb, As the Old Sing, So Pipe the Young, we corrupted elders entail our corruption unto the following generations.

 

 

 

And as winter approaches, the last detail of Allegory of Four Seasons and Human Ages, dapper old fellow shares a meal and a brazier with his beloved, probably an art history major.

Simon De Vos, 1635

All of which is to say that even amidst the the tyranny and the mortality or our own times, we can seek and find a little truth, a little beauty, the warmth of companionship, and good humor. We must.

 

 

 

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

Grown Children

My son turns 40 today. At one point in his pre-natal months, a rather complicated pregnancy, there was some doubt about his reaching any birthdays at all, even his ur-birthday, that is to say, his birth, but here he is, my first-born, a man in full. When your own birthdays have less and less significance as they multiply, the birthdays of others can mark the passage of time with greater salience. Give one pause. My father, at 93, couldn’t believe that he had sons in their 60s: An old, old man with old men for progeny. He was not long for this world.

For these 40 years, my son—and his sister a few years later—have been the unmitigated wonder and pleasure of my life, a buoyant tag-team of now early middle-agists composing an acerbic fam-dramedy forty years running. I cannot imagine more delightful long-term company. But as I watch them in their majority living the fullest of lives, I cannot remember having such energy and so little seeming time. How do they do it? How did I, if I did? Even as I trundle toward the great abyss, yet I do not wish to return to their heady days, that comparative youth.

Forty was not a good year for me. Things falling apart. And work. But for him, they continue to come together, which is as it should be. Thus, I will enjoy his 40th with a special savor: the wisdom of an old man.